


It's Not Even That Bad

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drama, Established Relationship, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-15
Updated: 2007-05-15
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:30:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8701105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: A look at what was going through Dean’s head in that final two minutes of All Hell Breaks Loose Part1.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** So, I’ve been plagued like very other fangirl about that episode. I had to get it out of my system.  
>  Special thanks to Jensen Ackles who should so get a damn Emmy for his stunning performance. Dean wouldn’t be the same if it was anyone else playing him.  
> Anything in italics is dialogue taken from the episode.

_Hey, c’mere. C’mere, lemme look at ya. Hey look…look at me. It’s not even that bad… it’s not even that bad alright, Sammy? Sam!_

 

Blood on my fingertips and I’m smearing it along his chin as I take it in my hand, trying to keep his head from keeling over onto his chest. His face is slack, his eyes are losing fire. Not like this, never like this. He left us once and he should’ve stayed gone, should’ve stayed away from all the things we learned to fight and vanquish in the black of the night. I shouldn’t have gone for him, but I did. I went for him and I’m the one who’s killed him. God, no. Sam you can’t…can’t…

 

_Hey listen to me we’re gonna patch you up, okay. You’re gonna be good as new. Huh? I’m gonna take care of you…_

 

Five years old with a scraped and bleeding knee, tears bright on your cheeks and cutting a path through the dirt on your face as you played in that little patch of dust by our motel room. I wiped it off with warm water and soap, blew on it when it stung. I put a Band-Aid on it and dropped a kiss to the strip. You smiled and brushed the tears off your cheeks.

 

Your first hunt left you with a scrape on your arm, not deep but bleeding. So many bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes. I fixed them all. I took care of you. Flesh and blood and bone all tended with antiseptic, alcohol, needle and thread, bandages and gauze. I did it and you always got better so you have to get better now, right now. I’m gonna fix this. I’m gonna fix this and then we’re gonna hunt that bastard down, all of them down.

 

It’s just a little scratch…it’s just a little blood.

 

_I’m gonna take care of you. I got you. It’s my job, right? Watch out for… my pain in the ass little brother? Sam? Sam. Sam! Sammy!?_

 

Open your eyes. Oh god, open your eyes. There’s blood on your lip and it shouldn’t be there. It shouldn’t be you. It can’t be you. You’re the one who’s supposed to keep going. I was supposed to go first. It was supposed to be me! Damn it, me! Open your eyes. Look at me, c’mon! I can’t do this…I can’t do this. Why won’t you look at me!? Just fucking **look** at me! Call me a jerk! Call me an asshole! Just say something to me and open those damn eyes!

 

_No... no no no no no no no. Oh…damn it._

 

I’m not losing you…not you, too! Oh god, what am I suppose to do? I was supposed to save you. I didn’t get a chance to save you, you stupid selfish son of a bitch! I didn’t get my chance! You can’t do this…you can’t…you just can’t. I’ve got you. God, I’ve got you. Just hold on a little longer. Just a bit longer. I’m not ready for you to go yet. Please…oh god. No.

 

_SAM!_


End file.
